Loving Texts From My WASP Parents

Son, we’ve returned from safari. Much culture to be had. Best wishes. — Muffy & Franklin

Hoping to schedule a dinner soon, or perhaps a lively conversation. We often think of you. — Kitty & Bouffant

We do appreciate the invitation to your nuptials; however, we’ve committed to Mahjong with the Niedermeyers that evening. In our thoughts. — Cissie & Crogue

Most congratulations on the birth of your child. Apologies for our absence, Trix has had tickets to Aïda reserved since February. Best of luck. — Trix & Chathem

Summering in Martha’s Vineyard. Sincerest apologies we missed Candy’s funeral. Plenty of widows to choose from at the club. Be well. — Binkie & Cock

Deepest sorrows to hear of your tumor, son. We’ll see to it you acquire a fine Jewish physician. Chin up. — Fatty & The General

Your father passed. Spread his ashes on the eighth hole. Do let me know if you have interest in his old clubs. If you plan to attend the memorial perhaps I can bump the Pennypackers from our table. Love, — Bunnie, your mother

Apologies for the previous text, autocorrect changed “Cordially” to “Love.” Cordially, — Bunnie, your mother